My Heart

There is a verse in Proverbs that states, "Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." I have always wondered about this statement because I didn't understand it. I believed it meant that I should protect it from emotions and not let anything effect it. If the heart doesn't feel anything how does one feel pain? After 5 minutes of dwindling if this is what Solomon meant I more than likely got really emotional about something. Whether it was something I saw on the news, or a conversation I had with a friend... I don't remember. Heck, there's a possibility that I got emotional over the weather forecast. Then my plan of having a nonchalant heart was aborted.
Thankfully, I have been keeping tabs with Andy Stanley from Northpoint Community Church in Alpharetta, GA. Andy and I are actually accountability partners - he just doesn't know it. During the past three weeks Andy's messages have been entitled "Staying in Love." The overview states that anyone with a pulse can fall in love. It is staying in love that means work, authentic devotion, being real with ourselves, and following Jesus. Although, I am neither in a relationship nor feel the urge to be in one currently, I do find this series very helpful. The divorce rate is high and matrimony seems risky in this day of age. I have only meant a handful of guys that I am willing to walk the length of a church aisle to have a conversation with. Therefore, one can imagine the doubt I have about finding a man that's worth walking down a church aisle in order to state my life long commitment to him. However! Through it all I want to be a dry sponge that soaks up all wisdom and knowledge before meeting "Him."
Andy's first two messages reviewed Pill. 2:3-8. Don't compete or do anything "out of selfish ambition" in your relationship. Value the other above yourself. Act like the other is more important than you. Grow to be interested in what they do (gardening, baseball, etc.). The key is respect! You treat that special person with a sense of "awe." This might be easy when you first start dating - but, after a bit of monotony sets in you have to choose to treat the other in a special manner. Someone once told me that love is a choice and not a feeling. Then Andy went on and intervened Jesus' death into the purpose of marriage. Jesus opted for a relationship over respect and glory. He died to himself to keep the relationship between me and Him. Jesus didn't come into this world to be right. He just submitted himself. He did this on my behalf. This is the requirement for staying in love. "Do you want to be right or do you want to stay married?" One must die to themselves to stay happily married. Hanging on to pride and always wanting to be right will kill the love.
The real lesson for me was delivered in his third message. Andy provides the reasons why two people can be so in love only to hate each other within a couple of years. Essentially, we take out our insecurities, jealousies, fears, and stress out on the people who we feel most comfortable around. For example, if a wife is telling her husband all about the great vacations her brother takes with his wife the husband might respond to her with a negative attitude. This might reveal that the husband is jealous that his brother-in-law is successful. Whereas, in reality his wife is just so happy for her brother's adventures. Therefore, the husband might be allowing his insecurity of his monetary value negatively effect his marriage. How do Americans fix a "negative marriage"? Get a divorce and find someone new. This makes sense because a bad marriage is always just one person's fault (sarcasm). (I do want to point out that in some cases a divorce is necessary and is the best option for both parties.) It's rare that a person in a bad marriage believes that they need to change themselves to make it work. However, that's what is needed for a marriage to last. This is where that verse from Proverbs comes into play. "Above all else" - this is the most important message Solomon has to say; above the sex info. in Songs of Solomon, above the wisdom of an old man in Ecclesiastes, etc. "Guard you heart" - pay attention to what's going on in your heart. Protect and defend to what your heart feels. Don't hide or oppress what your heart feels. Pay attention and deal with it! Why? "Because it is the wellspring to life" - what is in the heart comes out. It may come out verbally and it may come out in a disrespectful manner. It's proven time and time again - whatever is in a person's heart will come out of that person.
The best method for dealing with what is in our heart - is to admit it. DO NOT avoid the root cause and opt for frustration and anger. Instead tell your spouse exactly how you feel; who you are jealous of, what you are afraid of, what you can't control. Yes, your pride will be broken - but, the feelings in the heart will be dealt with instead of controlling your emotions, thoughts and words. After you tell your spouse exactly what is going on in your heart it is best for the other to simply say, "I am so glad you told me." Anyone who is healthy (we aren't referring to just physically - a bit more mentally) will stop anything they do that happens to hurt their spouse. They will stop bragging, controlling finances, avoiding the other's interests, etc.

Falling in love takes a pulse.
Staying in love takes a plan.

I pray that I find a man to be with because we are both in sync (on the same wavelength) with who God is and what Jesus did. Although to me it seems so far away, I pray that I am in a relationship that I want to submit myself to because I am so in love with who he is. That I will know that the sacrifices I make are healthy to keep my commitment to him. Anything for joy and for God's glory takes self-sacrifice. I pray that I keep faith about God's timing. (Who knows? I may actually grow impatient with being single one of these days....) I pray that whoever I marry is growing closer to God right at this moment. I pray that he loves Jesus more than me. I pray that because I married him I am one step (maybe two or three?) closer to knowing who God is.

What A Day

No matter what I feel there is always a lesson learned. Emotions are like the wind. However, God stands still. Rarely does anything go my way. Even when it does I decide something is still not right. Yes, you stand correct - I am not the sun, I am not the moon, I go unnoticed by most pedestrians (unless I get that random whistle from a creepy guy - but, that doesn't count.) I will feel frustration and pain several more times in my life. This world is full of it. Yet, Jesus says to just give what you have - don't hoard as much as possible. Give your time, give your money, give your talents to whoever needs it. This life is not about me. It's not about my pleasure and how I think things should go. It's not about me looking and feeling great. Phillip Yancey stated that the book of Job convinces him that God cares more about our faith than our pleasure. Another author once wrote that Prayer is not about asking what we want - it's about being changed in ways we can't imagine. I personally don't want a magician as a God. I want God to be my Father, my Comforter, and who is eternal. He goes to great lengths to make me the best person possible - the person he wants me to be. He brakes my pride and tears my heart with the intention of rebuilding me to be more like Him. I personally wouldn't want to know myself if I didn't have God as my Father. Every time I am at a lose for words because I'm so desperate for something to be changed I really want, through it all, is to know that God is with me and that He cares. He will outlast anything I face on this earth.